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I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.