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If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.