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Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
What if the weather talks about us?
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.
I fake my lol`s