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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.