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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?