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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.