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Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
Girls just wanna have funds.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.