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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.