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Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
Iād slap you but Iām pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.