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Married sext: Iām not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
it`s friday o clock
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.