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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.