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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
I wish karma would send me email notifications.