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Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.