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FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....