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Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.