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I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.