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If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
Without coffee, Iām just a really tall 2 year old.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet