Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.