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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...