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My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
I was born to be happy… not normal.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.