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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.