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There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
The police never think its as funny as you do.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.