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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.