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Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.