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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
Not so great minds also think alike.
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.