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I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.