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Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.