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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then Iām assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day