Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!