Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?