Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.