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All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
Save time. See it my way.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|