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Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.