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First fart at my new job.
My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.