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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.