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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
My friend wants to know if you think Iām hot.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
This recliner and I go way back.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."