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Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.