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I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
My brain has too many tabs open.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face