Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.