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Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.