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If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.