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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.