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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!