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Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.