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If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
is "insert clever remark here."
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
I just ran a .003048K
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.