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Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.