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Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.