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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.