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My wife looks for signs Iām cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
Iām not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."