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Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.