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My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.