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Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
It`s no fun if you have permission.