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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.