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"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
drink beer ?? save water
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?