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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.