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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.