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Starting to believe I`m trouble
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.