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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.