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Have you hugged you bartender today.
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?