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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.