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"No comment" - said no woman, ever
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.