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People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.