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I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.