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True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.