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Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Mondays should start at noon.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?