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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.