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I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"