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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
My mom says I`m special.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.