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I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".