Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
It should really be called teethpaste.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.