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I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.