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In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough