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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."