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I don’t go to bars for the same reason I don’t grocery shop when I’m hungry. I always come home with things I didn’t need.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)