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Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!