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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
All milk is breast milk.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.