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WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
If I throw a stick will you leave?
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han