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I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
i only drink on days that end with y
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.