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I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
I just threw up my weekend.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.