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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.