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A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."
The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.