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I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?