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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
Life is fun! You should get one.