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Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
why me is me ?
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.