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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?