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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
Anything is legal when there`s no police around