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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.