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A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit