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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
What number SPF blocks people?
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!