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Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.