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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.