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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
How many decades of knowing someone before it`s rude to ask what their name is?
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.