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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
I like people... From a distance.
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas