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The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
Sö î hèãrd ÿôu lìkê gùÿš with ácçeñts?
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.